I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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