The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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