Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They took my balls.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
