nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
