Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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