I smell stomach acid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
