we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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