you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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