im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
