he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
