genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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