I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
