even my farts smell like vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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