Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
