either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
