Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
