i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
