It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
