I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
