Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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