Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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