that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He shit in the fireplace
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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