mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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