Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
