and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
