I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
