just tell him i said nine months
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
