forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
