I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
