Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
