There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
