i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
