Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
