...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
