What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
