Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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