peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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