I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
