that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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