just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
