I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There r osticjed everywhere
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
