Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When are your genitals available?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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