Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
