i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
