Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
