How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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