i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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