Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
