Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
