i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
