Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
